by Jennifer Swanson
When I registered my daughter for swimming lessons last summer, the 25-minute lessons didn’t seem like a big commitment. Once lessons were in session, however, I discovered the reality. Add 10 minutes to gather suits, towels, and other beach equipment—and apply sunscreen to two wiggly preschoolers. Add another 10 minutes to hustle the kids to and from the bathroom and load them into their carseats. Then it takes 15 minutes to drive to the lake, unload the van, and walk to the beach. Did I mention the 25-minute lesson? Afterwards, figure at least 10 minutes to coax the kids out of the water, dry them off, and change their clothes. And 20 minutes to hike back to the van, buckle everyone in, drive home, and unload.
But that only gets us back inside the front door. The diaper bag needs to be restocked. Sandy shoes are scattered across the entry floor. Swimsuits and towels wait to be rinsed and hung to dry. Shovels, buckets, sippy cups... Suddenly we have a two-hour event, not counting any unexpected glitches. Then the phone rings, and before long, it’s time to leave again for the next activity.
Similar scenarios happen every day, in all seasons. Some activities we schedule out of necessity, like going to the doctor or the grocery store. Others we choose for the purpose of adding fun and variety, like moms’ groups, play groups, or other organized programs for ourselves or our children.
It’s easy to see when incomplete, unfinished projects in our homes (laundry, paperwork, hobbies, etc.) cause disorder and frustration. The results of uncompleted events, however, can also add to the chaos. We find ourselves hurrying from one project or event to another, not really completing one before rushing to the next, and stress sets in—both for us moms and for our families.
It’s hard to maintain a sense of order and balance when we feel short of time. We may even find ourselves resenting the very activities that were meant to be good for us. What we need is not more time in a day, but more space between events. Here are a few ideas to help create that space.
Plan realistically. If you truly want to slow your hectic pace, take a hard look at your schedule. Take out your calendar or day planner. Does your schedule reflect the pace of life you want to live? What does a “good day” look like to you? What do you want to have time for? What’s stopping you?
Look at one event at a time. How much time do you need to allow before, during, and after each activity in order to feel unhurried? Would it help to prepare ahead of time (e.g., the night before, or earlier in the day)? Block out sections on your calendar to guard that time, and keep in mind that underestimating leads to overscheduling.
The problem is not just that we miscalculate how long each activity takes away from home. Much of the problem lies in underestimating the transition time: the time it takes to get everything ready before we leave as well as the time it takes to put everything away after we return home.
Transition gently. When we’re running late, it can be tempting to blame our little ones for our own lack of planning. We often expect our kids to immediately drop what they’re doing to comply with our plans. Imagine yourself in your child’s place. No wonder they make it difficult to get out the door!
Work on being consistent about how you define time. A minute doesn’t mean much to a young child if you say, “Just a minute,” but then wait five or ten minutes before you finally respond. Respectfully guide them as you approach the time to go. Offer to help them clean up rather than making demands. Give yourself and your children the time you need to leave gracefully. You will quickly see that making transitions easier on your children will make things easier on you, too.
Focus. We moms are used to jumping from one task to another, often doing several things at once. But usually multi-tasking is less efficient than focusing on one task at a time. Don’t try to squeeze in “just one more thing” before you leave for an appointment. It’s okay to be early. Enjoy what you’re doing when you get there, and don’t worry about the next “to do” on your list.
When you get home, commit to completing the task of unpacking and putting everything away. It can be tempting to check your voice mail or e-mail right away when you get home. Even if the phone rings, ignore it—especially if you just walked in the door. (One minute later, you would have missed the call anyway.) Finish well by bringing closure to that one event, and get some breathing time before you move on to the next.
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Commit. Getting control of your schedule is one of the best ways to feel more balanced. Set aside time each week to carefully review the upcoming week’s plans. When you have a good handle on your time, it’s much easier to confidently say “yes” or thoughtfully say “no.” The process is not magic; it does take focus and discipline.
Since this is also about changing habits, it might take a while, so don’t give up too soon. Of course there are things you can do to save time, especially if you often can’t find what you need when you need it. But until you make changes to your current systems and get more organized, give yourself some grace by building in extra time.
Notice how you and your family feel as you go about the week. Make choices to honor the time and space your family needs. Work around the things you can’t control, and focus most on the things you can. It might even mean letting go of some activities to make others more meaningful. Instead of trying to do more in less time, take more time to do less, and do it well.
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